Wednesday, October 31, 2018

Trick or Treat

The Book Oracle

Happy Halloween, Fear Street lovers.

On this most hallowed of horror nights, I'm going to offer you a trick ... or a treat. It's up to you to decide which.

I have begun a new book blog, The Book Oracle. Unfortunately it doesn't have nearly enough to do with Fear Street. I review books of all genres, and give out recommendations. Although there is no specific theme, in deference to seasonality all my most recent reads have been of the horror or paranormal classification. Read it to see why I think The Diviners is the most perfect Halloween book. And find out what book I found so disturbing I wish with all my soul I had never read it.

Most importantly, sign up for the monthly newsletter, for updates and future giveaways.

Thank you for reading, always. Sweet nightmares, dear readers ...

Monday, July 16, 2018

Give me a K-I-L-L or “The Violin Death of the Decade"

I just wanted to say that it’s a trip that AM and I are still writing this blog, since we starting snarking on Fear Street nearly 10 years ago! (cue spit-take). I’m sure you Shadyside Snark fans can appreciate that we’re at different places in our lives, both physically and figuratively, but it’s awesome that I still get to sit down every once awhile and rip apart some fantastically cheesy teen horror books. As long as RL is prepared to pump out the rebooted Fear Street series, the Shadyside sisters will (eventually … after a very long time) blog about them. I should point out it takes less time for RL to write the books than for AM and I to blog about them.  I’m not sure who comes out looking worse in this scenario.

To the book. I didn’t hate it. Actually, it is definitely my favourite book of the Relaunch series so far. Obviously it has to do with cheerleaders, my favourite horror trope. To those new to our blog, AM insisted on taking all books that had to do with zombies, and I insisted on the Cheerleaders saga. Clearly we all have our triggers as to what we find the creepiest. For AM it’s zombies, for me it’s cheerleaders. Haha, guess who was less popular in high school?

Part One: We start with Gretchen Page, our heroine du jour. Btw, Gretchen? Such a great name. It’s becoming so much more popular now and is totally NOT what you would expect from a cheerleader (from the 80s-90s that is, because they were, like, all named Jennifer and Ashley). One of the characters even comments on this, all, I didn’t expect someone named Gretchen to look like you.

As for how she looks, Gretchen is cute and blonde and pretty stereotypically cheerleader, and she considers her overt cuteness to be tragic. She is on the phone with one of her friends from back home, Polly, and my Spidey-senses were immediately up because her friends wasn’t responding back in the dialogue, it was just Gretchen talking into the phone. Gretchen talking to someone who is dead/doesn’t exist? This is a very common Fear Street plotline. Except, then Polly did respond. So I was a bit spun. Also, Polly is described as looking about 12 with a deep sexy purr of a voice, which also spun me. Who describes their friends like that? Well, at 16 anyway. So, we’re going with Polly IS alive. But then Gretchen hides the fact that she’s talking to Polly from her mom, so maybe Polly is dead? I don’t know but I will expend all my energy while reading this book to try to guess before the end.  So actual suspense was created, well done RL.

Things to know about Gretchen: she’s new to Shadyside, desperate to make it on the cheerleading squad and a complete bitch to her recently-divorced mom. She goes to an appointment with the cheerleading coach at the school. While there, she meets Sid, the cheerleading equipment manager, who hits on her. Then right after she meets his girlfriend, Stacy, the cheerleading captain. Then she goes into the meeting with Coach Walker, only to discover she had just given the last spot of the cheerleading squad to another girl, Devra Dalby!

Redheaded Devra Dalby is clearly going to be the mean girl in this book. Fear Street aficianados will recognize the Dalby name – from Dalby department stores, and Reva Dalby, OG mean rich girl from the Silent Night Super Chillers. I was SOOOO hoping that Reva would make an appearance as Devra’s mom or something. But no such luck. All Devra talked about was how “Daddy” owned the biggest department store in town and that made her the shit. So, Devra IS Reva, with a very minor name change. (AM: Did Reva end up dying? Is Devra her rich father’s later-in-life replacement?)

Devra has the last spot on the squad, but the coach watches Gretchen’s highlight reel from her old school and sees that she’s great, so decides to pit the girls against each other. I know literally nothing about cheerleading besides you will probably be murdered, but couldn’t they just … add another spot on the squad?  Anyway, Gretchen is pumped she gets to try out because she’s sure she’ll win. Then she gets into a minor car accident – her tire blows out which OF COURSE sounds like a gunshot – and her reaction is major, and she talks herself down from the horrible nightmares that threatened to come. Some intriguing back story? Involving mysterious sexy-voiced Polly?

Then we go to Devra’s point of view where she is pouting to her Daddy that she would have to try out for the cheerleading spot. The whole point of the scene is that Daddy Dalby will make a call to the school to ensure her spot on the team, but I spent the entire time trying to find evidence of Reva.

Gretchen meets the girl next door, Madison, who is a fantastic violin player and they click, becoming fast friends. Gretchen runs into Sid, the cheerleader equipment manager/obvious adultering boyfriend at the mall. He looks at her intensely then they start making, which is a little quick but hey, teen hormones I guess. And Gretchen catches a glimpse of Devra glaring at them. Ooh, the drama!

Devra surprises Gretchen by joining her at a booth at the local diner and showing her the terrible acid burns she has on her hands. I immediately thought they were bonding over acid, but in fact Devra was just there to request that Gretchen back off for the year. Since Devra was a senior, Gretchen could be the alternate and would have an automatic spot next year. Gretchen declines the offer and makes a lifelong enemy.

The day of the tryouts, Gretchen is pumped and intense. Devra tries out first and Gretchen mentally tears her apart, saying she’s not terrible but certainly not up to her calibre. Then Devra goes in and nails her much more complicated routine. She then gets violently disgustingly ill, and the squad realizes her water bottle had been poisoned. Sid comes over to comfort her, and shortly after that she receives some threatening text messages – SOMETIMES CHEERLEADERS DIE and GIVE ME A K-I-L-L. The messages are from Devra, which is pretty ballsy, I have to say. Everyone else thinks so too when Gretchen shows the to the cheerleading coach. Devra immediately claims her phone was stolen and accuses Gretchen of sending them herself. Also super ballsy.

Fear tactics aside, Devra wins. The principal, Hernandez, calls the coach and the captain in to tell them that Devra’s dad called in a favour and insisted that Devra be on the team or else he would pull funding from the school. Money always wins and the cheerleading squad doesn’t have a choice. Gretchen was eavesdropping and heard the whole thing. She goes to drown her sorrows with Madison at the Cheesecake Factory, where Gretchen starts to murmur stuff about a knife. Weird.

She gets a text message from the cheerleading captain to meet at the gym for a night practice. Except it was an evil set up and someone just attacked her in the dark. Someone who smelled like Devra’s perfume. Also, her new uniform comes in covered in cockroaches, ordered from Dalby’s Department stores. Gretchen’s starting to get frustrated with the abuse since Devra already won.

And then we get to the fire batons. Do you think if you lived in Shadyside you would ever touch a fire baton? Or, like, set a fire ever? Fire means automatic horrific death or at least horrific maiming. If you gave me a pack of matches I would immediately hurl them from my body and cut you out of my life completely. And yet, Gretchen as the unlucky alternate will stand there and light kerosene-soaked fire batons for all the cheerleaders. NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG! And yet, at the next game, when Stacy takes the baton meant for Devra, she is almost immediately doused in flames. Yup, saw that coming.

Part Two: Stacy survived but her arms are covered in burns and her nerves are badly damaged (horrific maiming). Gretchen is now being questioned as to whether she sabotaged the baton, and is up in arms that Devra is acting like a victim in all of this. Gretchen is now on the squad for reals and that gives her a motive to have committed the sabotage. But the squad continues on with their cheers and want to use Gretchen’s superior skills to show off, which involves a double somersault something where Devra has to catch her. Gretchen assumes Devra will try to kill  her but it all goes well.

Meanwhile, Gretchen’s violin-playing friend Madison desperately wants to tell her something, but Gretchen never gets a chance to hear what it is. When Madison performs Mozart with a string quartet in front of the school, she starts screaming horribly and her neck explodes with blood. Turns out her violin had been dipped in hideous acid that ate away her neck and burned through her aorta. Madison does not survive. Holy crap, that is an explosive murder, RL! I am impressed and thoroughly terrified. I will also avoid all stringed instruments from here on out.

Sid (cheating boyfriend) and Gretchen get closer, and she learns his out of work dad is kind of abusive and also that he is poor (therefore will die and/or be the murderer). He helps her clean out her garage, and there he finds a jar of sulphuric acid, like the kind that killed Madison. But Gretchen knows that Devra has some kind of acid, so she makes a plan with Sid to break into her house and find it as some kind of proof that Devra is responsible for the murder. They manage to find the workshop where Devra had been working but she only got burned by Muriatic Acid, which was not the right kind. Hmm, still not sure who the murderer is.

And now there is the inevitable Cheerleading camping weekend in Fear Woods. DO PEOPLE NEVER LEARN! After Gretchen leaves for the trip, her Mom goes in to clean her room and discovers Gretchen left her phone behind. While not normally the snoopy type, her Mom goes through her phone and discovers something TERRIBLE! She immediately goes to Principal Hernandez to get him to stop the bus but it has already left. She tells him she discovered Gretchen has been making almost daily calls to Polly Brown … the girl Gretchen killed two years ago! I knew it! Polly was totally dead! And yet, sometimes she would answer Gretchen, which kept me guessing. Well played, RL.

Part Three: Gretchen’s Mom explains that Gretchen had been driving the car that was in an accident that killed her best friend Polly. Since then her grasp on reality has been tenuous. When she starts to call Polly, it means she’s slipping. And at her old school, she had picked out a girl on her squad and started to make it look as though that girl was harassing her, as if she was a victim. Also that she carried a hunting knife. Mom and principal quickly agree they have to get to the cheerleaders right away.

Meanwhile at the cheerleading camp, Sid and Devra are screaming at each other. Gretchen gets spinny and confused and goes to get her knife to put an end to things.

Mom and principal arrive at the camp in time to see Gretchen running into the mess hall with a knife.

Gretchen runs into the kitchen, brandishing the knife. She confronts Sid, who is holding Devra against him with a knife held to her throat. Gretchen warns Sid to let Devra go, while he screeches that it was Devra who was supposed to burn, not Stacy. Gretchen tries to keep him talking, so inevitably he exposits that he really loved Devra and thought they had a connection, but then she had his father fired at the shoe department of Dalby’s. Now Sid’s family is ruined and he snapped. Everything he had done to torture Gretchen was to make everyone hate Devra and ruin her too. And he killed Madison because she had a video on her phone of Sid clearly wiping kerosene on the offending fire baton.

Sid goes to slit Devra’s throat, but Gretchen tosses her knife away and dives across the floor, barreling into Sid. She elbows him in the stomach and uppercuts his chin. Kinda badass. Sid goes down and Devra is able to get away with only a cut only her neck, not deep. Gretchen and her Mom hug, then Gretchen goes to apologize to Devra for being a jerk to her. They make up because Gretchen did after all save her life.

After that, life gets better for Gretchen. Her therapist is on call to see how she is after the incident, to see if there’s any trauma, but Gretchen feels great. She’s feeling great. And then she gets a text from Polly …

Totally fun Fear Street book! It has some of the well-known story lines – like talking to dead people on the phone (or facetime or text), and poverty creating murderers. Also unbelievably creative murders. So, hope you liked this one too. Tell me why you thought it was cheesy. Six exploding aortas out of seven.

Monday, February 19, 2018

The Dead Boyfriend or "Just Don't Date Guys Named Blade"

Basically the entire time I was reading this book, I had Garbage’s iconic song “Bad Boyfriend” running through my head, except I had replaced the word “bad” with “dead”. I didn’t realize until later that Garbage probably didn’t write a song about a dead boyfriend, no matter how grunge they were. Bad boyfriend works in this instance too though.  Now enjoy that songworm in your ear for the rest of this recap :)

Anyways, The Dead Boyfriend was kind of a trip. A lot of times, I thought we were going to be faked out with a classic Stine dead-body-falls-out-of-a-closet and then it’s revealed it was a mop. True story: happened in our FIRST recap ever “The New Boy.  But most of the time, crazy stuff was actually happening! I always appreciate that. And then the end happened. You’ll just have to wait and see that insanity.

Our main character is Caitlyn and almost the whole book is a diary entry. She calls her diary her friend, which is a huge red-flag in my books.  Like all of the relaunch Fear Street Series books, she kinda discusses her family, and then they never have anything to do with the plot. She has an older sister named Jen! She is never mentioned again!

Anyways, Caitlyn emotes to her diary that she just hasn’t been happy since her boyfriend, Blade died. You guys. That name. OMG that name slays me every time I think about it! It’s like when Fear Street hunk Bobby Newkirk had a band named “The Cool Guys” and then he changed it to “Bad to the Bone”.  RL Stine is 74 but internally has been 104 since the 1980s. I love it.

Caitlyn takes us back to the first time she met Blade, at Lefty’s diner. She was hanging out with her friends Julie (her descriptor is funny and mean) and Miranda who *could* be attractive but has glasses.  Caitlyn runs into Deena Fear as well  and they have a very weird interaction. It’s the first time they ever meet and Deena seems vaguely...threatening? Must be the Fear in her. Caitlyn then sees a guy staring at her. Props to Caitlyn though, she puts an end to this mystery very quickly by going over and seeing what this creep wants. Except he’s not creepy, he’s dreamy. And named Blade, which also seems to be his given name, not a nickname. He says his parents wanted him to be “sharp”. No. Don’t do this, parents.  They get to talking and hit it off, so Blade asks if she wants to hang out and they leave together.

They are very teenage-y and just wander around talking until they come upon a house party and decide to crash it. They don’t know anyone and are trying to slip some beer (classic teens) but then Caitlyn sees Deena. And she is super pissed that Caitlyn is at the party with Blade! Deena hisses that she “saw him first” - a dibs! That’s more pre-teen behaviour I feel. Also, meaningless to Caitlyn since she met Deena that night and isn’t friends with her. Dibs don’t count if you aren’t friends, obvs. Deena makes this interaction even weirder by blowing on the silver bracelet that Caitlyn wears.

The host of the party catches on that Blade and Caitlyn aren’t real guests. Before they get kicked out, Caitlyn suggests they make out in front of everyone as a “joke”. It’s as weird as you are imagining. Once they are done “jokingly making out” (remember teen hormones?) they run out of the party laughing.  They don’t get too far though, before Caitlyn’s wrist starts hurting. She looks down and realizes that her bracelet is burning hot - and melted to her skin! WTF. This was one of those times that I thought we were in for a fake out, but the next chapter starts, and no, the bracelet actually melted and fused together - although I was unclear whether it was melted to her skin or just melted together...

A few days later, Caitlyn is working at her job at the movie theater, slinging popcorn, when Deena comes in. Deena wants to be friends because she’s worried something bad will happen to Caitlyn. Ummm… aren’t you the reason her bracelet is now fused to her body?  Deena also wants to talk about Blade, but Caitlyn isn’t really interested. Deena gets all creepy looking and then the machines in the concession go hay-wire shooting out popcorn and pop all over the place. Caitlyn wonders if this is a warning from Deena. Ya think?

Next is a really weird chapter where Caitlin is grabbed by a man in a parking garage and mugged, which I really thought would be an RL fakeout, but wasn’t! She was really mugged and broke his nose to escape! And then went and bought a knife for protection, which seems like a weird thing to do, and also, no one ever mentions this mugging again. I can tell you, if I ever got mugged and fought my way free, I would literally not stop telling people about how amazing I am.

What her friends do talk to her about though, is that she’s rushing into things with Blade. I guess they’ve been spending a lot of time together and things are moving quickly. Caitlyn throws out the classic teen line “yall are just jealous” and for some reason her friends don’t abandon her like I would have.

Right on cue, Blade starts acting shady. He cancels a date unexpectedly and when Caitlyn goes to hang out with Miranda instead, she spots his car on her drive over. She obviously decides to follow his car. She watches as Blade goes to the FIRE DANCE CLUB (another amazing name by RL) and sees he’s brought another girl! She watches them kiss outside the club and goes to confront him. She’s interrupted by Deena who’s all “Blade betrayed us!”.  Caitlyn actually pushes her out of her way - amazing.

Inside FIRE DANCE CLUB, Caitlyn confronts Blade.  He tells his date, Vanessa that Caitlyn is “nobody, a friend from school” and denies ever saying “I love you” to Caitlyn. Harsh. Caitlyn leaves and almost crashes her car. Then like a completely sane person, she goes to Blade’s house and waits for him to come home.

When he does, they get into an argument with Blade saying they were just “having fun”. You know what? Don’t say that to very angry girls - because they will lose their minds. Like Caitlyn does! First she attacks him with her big purse, and then threatens him with that giant knife she bought after her mugging. And then she slices his palm and stabs him in the stomach. WHAT!?

I really thought that would be a rage-blackout-fake out, but nope, Blade is dead. Caitlyn drives home and immediately thinks she’s caught because the police come to her door right away. But they were just coming to let her know she left her house door open. The first true fake out of the book. Weird!

Blade’s funeral is sometime soon, and Caitlyn attends with Julie and Miranda.  It seems like a dream since there are only 19 people in attendance? A high-school boy, MURDERED in his driveway? Yeah, right. That would be huge news in any town! I guess Shadyside has its fair share of murders, but I feel like the funerals described in other books had a lot more guests…

Anywhoo, the funeral gets a whole lot effing weirder when Blade suddenly blinks and sits up in his coffin. Everyone shrieks and rushes to Blade, calling for a doctor (at this 19 person funeral? Not likely.) Caitlyn looks around and sees Deena Fear is at the back of the room, and appears to be controlling Blade’s body with a spooky amulet. We know which one! She suddenly passes out, and Blade’s body also slumps over, apparently dead again. After a doctor has appeared and declared Blade dead again (doctor, or funeral home director?) the funeral continues. Over the protest of Blade’s parents, who obviously want to ensure that Blade is actually dead. Certainly the most awkward ending to any funeral that I could imagine.

Deena texts Caitlyn later that night and wants her help. Apparently Blade hasn’t been buried yet and Deena is keen on bringing him back to life - with the help of Caitlyn! Caitlyn isn’t that jazzed on the plan - mostly because she murdered him and doesn’t want to get caught. She ends up going to Deena’s place anyways. She tells Deena she’s crazy for thinking it’s possible to bring someone back from the dead.  So Deena shows off her necromancy skillz by killing her parrot in front of Caitlyn and then bringing him back to life. Poor bird! That has to be traumatizing.

We get to the real deal of why Deena wants Blade brought back to life. Deena thinks it’s her turn to be with Blade. Like… what? It’s very unclear whether Deena and Blade had ever even met before so what’s with this obsession? The guys name is BLADE for gods sake, he cannot be worth all this killing/reanimation. Caitlyn is equally weirded out by Deena and tries to run out of the house, but somehow gets lost. Is Caitlyn...a moron?

She ends up in a room with two middle-aged people, who she assumes are Deena’s parents. She’s half right since they are Deena’s parents, only… they aren’t alive. They’ve been taxidermied! Deena comes in and calmly explains that she murdered and stuffed her parents.  She also tells Caitlyn that she made Caitlyn kill Blade through mind control, and demonstrates her other talents by forcing Caitlyn to do cartwheels. For some reason, this convinces Caitlyn to go with Deena to reanimate Blade. Whatever.

They sneak into the funeral home only to discover his body is gone! Dun dun dunnnnn!

Caitlyn is picked up by the cops to answer some questions about Blade’s death. They know about the FIRE DANCE CLUB and the fight that Blade and Caitlyn had. Probably because it was directly in front of that other girl, who would have obviously told the police. They let Caitlyn go and seem to believe her story that she went right home.

Caitlyn meets up with Julie and Miranda to watch the basketball game at school. There are a bunch of fakeouts in this chapter: the cops arrive looking for her! No, they are just there to watch the game (in uniform?) and were pointing to open seats near Caitlyn. She sees Blade at the game and goes to chase him! Just kidding, he wasn’t there, and now Julie and Miranda kinda think she’s nuts.

But twist! Turns out Blade really was there, and now he’s waiting for Caitlyn at her car. She blurts out “You’re dead!” and he just shrugs. Ha! Such a teen. He also gives her an angry cold kiss which Caitlyn is horrified by. Why? Didn’t you love him so much you rage murdered him in jealousy? "He pressed his lips against mine in a hard kiss. An angry kiss. He held me there, held my face against his, pressed his lips, so hard and cold, against mine, grinding them against my lips until my mouth ached [...] And then I uttered a horrified gasp - His lips were still sewn together." Best kiss scene ever?

Caitlyn escapes from his gross make out and slams his hand in her car door. She drives home in such an adrenaline rush she doesn't notice that...his hand came off when she slammed the door! And she drove home with it in her lap. She thinks to herself “He’ll want his hand and he’ll want revenge!” which is pretty hilarious and probably true. Caitlyn throws the hand in her front yard, because that is a great way to get rid of evidence.

Blade does come up, and casually picks up his hand. He sees Caitlyn staring out the window and shows her a knife - then uses it to slice open his lips! (sidebar - I don’t think funeral homes SEW PEOPLE’S LIPS SHUT, but correct me if I am wrong) He yells out he’ll never leave her now, which is creepy whenever anyone says it.

Caitlyn tries to find Deena at school but can’t and then there is this whole undramatic scene when she find out Deena isn’t registered there! So she goes to Deena’s house who is like “yeah, I’m homeschooled” - cool subplot? I guess her parents taught her until she killed them? Anyways, while she’s there, Caitlyn notices that Deena somehow has Blade’s hand, and she is trying to necromancy that thing hard.  She says she’s going to use it to bring Blade to her house so “[she] can have a turn”. BLECH. The spell doesn’t work and Deena tells Caitlyn she’s on her own, now that Blade is kind of alive and also looking to murder her.

Caitlyn, who can’t seem to do anything on her own except murder, immediately calls Julie and tells her the whole story about Blade and how he’s now back from the dead. Julie tells her to stay calm and meet her house in 30 minutes. Of course when Caitlyn gets there, both her parents are there. Julie obviously didn’t believe Caitlyn and they have a little intervention about how worried they are for her.

Caitlyn quickly peaces out and runs away from the world’s weirdest intervention. Pretty soon she sees Blade walking with his back to her. She recognizes his sweatshirt. She comes up to him and stabs him in the back in a blind rage! I think you know where this is going… it’s not Blade. It’s some different teen boy that she’s just killed. WTF Caitlyn, get your life together!

She’s unsurprisingly upset that she’s killed the wrong person (or surprisingly? Caitlyn is kind of terrible), and yells about how Deena must be controlling her.  Real Blade picks this moment to come out of the shadows and say that it's time for them to go to the grave forever! I remember thinking at this point: Yeah, she’s murdered two innocent boys in cold blood. Thats a hard rap to beat. I think I’d just shrug my shoulders and go with Blade. So much easier. (I was very tired reading this, fyi)  

Caitlyn does not choose the easy way out, and instead starts to fight Blade and tries to kill him again.  That is until Deena comes up and Blade is slighted distracted, and Caitlyn obviously takes this opportunity to stab Blade, again. He just kinda slumps over - it was oddly anticlimatic. So was Deena actually controlling him?  Deena takes his body away to “bury”, alright, whatever.

Caitlyn comes home and manages to convince her parents she’s not nuts, she just told Julie a bad joke. She is really on edge and everything is freaking her out: woodpecker tapping on her window, can’t concentrate at school. She decides that she needs to go to the funeral home and confirm that Blade is really and truly dead. Only when she gets there… Blade’s body has been stolen! Dun dun dunnnnn!

Okay here is where the book goes from mildly weird to epically/amazingly confusing. Caitlyn goes home and finds her parents with her diary. They also call her Cathy Ann, which for a few seconds I thought was a really weird typo. It turns out… the diary was a novel! Cathy Ann wrote in her diary all this crazy stuff as a novel and she hopes to become a published author. With that above story. Girl, you need to write 100+ books over decades before someone will publish a story as batshit as that. R.L. put in his time!

Apparently Blade is a real boy who died drowning the previous year, and Deena Fear is made up. Everyone else in the story was real, but none of it ever happened. Caitlyn/Cathy Ann’s parents are concerned for a bit - it’s a really weird story and violent and why did she have to use a boy who really died as inspiration? But they get over it quickly, decide their daughter is a genius and send the diary away to be published!

A year later, Cathy Ann is at a book signing for her mega-popular book. She’s all happy and excited to be in Shadyside on her book tour until… BLADE shows up!

That’s it. That’s where the book ends. W.T.F.

So many questions remain, most pressingly: Did the stuff in the “diary” happen? Or did it not?! Cathy Ann’s parents said Blade the Real Boy, drowned so did Cathy Ann do that somehow? Is Deena Fear a real person or not? Who brought Blade back to life? Did Cathy Ann really stab a second boy and noone noticed? WHAT IS HAPPENING?

I was so annoyed by this ending. I typically love a twist ending in R.L.s books but this one was just too big of a leap. Four stabbed boys named BLADE out of eleven.

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Can You Keep a Secret? or "Random Acts of Werewolf"

Okay, it’s definitely harder to blog when you are not doing it often, like once a week the way we used to. Now that RL has his new line of Fear Streets coming out, it takes me approximately the same time to write a blog that it takes him to write a novel. I’m not sure what that says about either of us.

So, we’ll start with the cover, definitely good and creepy, a knife jammed into a tree carved with a heart. It’s simple, it’s mysterious. It doesn’t have any goofy kids from the 80s in various states of open-mouthed astonishment, as per the old books, so the cheese factor is way down. Also the tagline is fantastic: “or are you dying to tell?” I love it! I’ll admit that I feel the revamped Fear Street got off to a rough start, but this one has already captured me. I’m always willing to give RL one more chance, but then again I am an eternal optimist.

Part One

There is a spooky dream with lots of moon and wolf imagery. Omg, is this book about werewolves? I think I LOVE werewolves, which were surprisingly underrepresented up until now in the Fear Street omnibus. I can only think of that one Super Chiller, Bad Moonlight. Come to think of it, that’s a shocking lack of werewolf books. I mean, vampires and zombies are everywhere, but where’s the love for the humble lycanthrope?

So anyway, in this dream, the girl and the wolf have the same startlingly blue eyes, then the girl becomes the wolf. The girl wakes up from her nightmare, then wakes up her sister, Sophie. Sophie goes to comfort Emmy, the shaken dreamer. Emmy is horrified to see her sheets are completely shredded.

Emmy is the elder sister, at 17, and Sophie is 15. I love a good sister drama, doncha think, AM? They have the same black hair and blue eyes, but Sophie cut her hair extremely short because she was sick of being constantly confused for her sister.

Emmy has been having wolf dreams since she was five, when she was visiting her creepy great aunt Marta in Prague and was bit by a dog, although she doesn’t remember it. Ooh, Prague, v. old world. Definitely about werewolves! On that note, there is a news report that a dog had been torn apart by a black wolf in Shadyside Park.

Enter Emmy’s new boyfriend, Eddie. Emmy’s mom doesn’t like him – he is the best friend of Emmy’s ex, and he is POOR. A fatal flaw in Shadyside. His stepdad is a cop but suspended from the police force for beating a teen, charming. Eddie works at a pet cemetery, which is awfully convenient.

Emmy goes to visit Eddie at his work and smells something evil in the air, feels strongly that Eddie should probably get a new job. Of course Eddie is at the moment burying the recently killed dog. Emmy sees the corpse and takes off running, as the thing had been skinned. Blerg. They then change the mood entirely and discuss doing something naughty that night.

Part Two

Ah, so naughtiness is an all-night party in the Fear Street Woods – always a terrible idea. Eddie is in a frisky mood, wants to play his favourite game, Can you keep a secret. Doesn’t sound like much of a game, you have to reveal your deepest darkest secrets for the other to keep. His secret is that he lost his drivers license (he tells her as he drives her mom’s car). They then start making out.

They are terrified when they are attacked – nope, just surprised by Emmy’s ex Danny and his new girlfriend Callie. Apparently Danny has a temper and Emmy really likes Callie and thinks she’s good for him. Riley and Roxie round out the crew. Riley is a huge football player and Roxie is tiny and cutesy, so they make a mismatched adorable couple. I like how Emmy is very open about how great the other girls are, no jealousies there. And my my what’s with all the names ending in -y or –ie? How bout we get a names book or something.

They unload the beer because this is Fear Street of the twenty-first century! Now Eddie brings out his next secret of the night. Oh look, he stole a gun from his stepdad. Well that’s not going to end well. Emmy questions her judgment at being with Eddie, because he has a temper and is poor. The gun would have done it for me, but whatevs. Then Emmy sees the black wolf and Eddie shoots it. Oh, it was only a raccoon. But Emmy is back to loving Eddie again.

Everyone else is fighting so they take off. Eddie pulls her to a clearing and calls it their secret place. He then creepily pulls out a knife … and carves Eddie heart Emmy. How sweet! The tree, of course, turns out to be hollow and housing a briefcase full of cash. Emmy is all: peace out, put it back, but Eddie thinks that she’s nuts. Before they resolve this, everyone else finds them. The boys are crazy happy with their luck, the girls are not and want to take the money to the police.

Inevitably, a fight ensues, Eddie and Danny grapple and the gun comes out. Danny gets shot … oh no wait he just crumpled in fear when the gun accidentally went off. They all vote, and since only Emmy and Callie want to take the money to the police they decide instead they should hide the case at the pet cemetery until they know where it came from.

Sophie calls Emmy just then in a panic, saying she saw the black wolf on her way home. Emmy gets all dizzy and wants to howl at the moon. Callie grabs her, breaking her out of her trance, but Emmy decides to go home. The sisters are emotional together, laughing and fighting, and Emmy feels guilty that she’s not more supportive of Sophie.

The guilt doesn’t last that long, because she goes to Eddie’s house for dinner the next night instead of Sophie’s track meet. Eddie’s stepdad tells them of the robbery. It was a few nights ago, a hit on an armored truck, one guy with a gun. Emmy and Eddie go for a drive where Emmy finally figures out the inevitable – the robber with the gun will come after them, since their names are carved on the tree where the cash was hiding.

Part Three

Eddie and Emmy freak out and decide to put the cash back in the tree. They go dig up the grave and of course the case is gone. They go to Danny’s, where Riley shows up and they all fight a lot about who took the money. Secrets and greed are tearing the group apart!

Sophie is still awake when Emmy gets in. Emmy caves and tells her everything. Emmy dreams that night she’s a wolf and wakes up howling. Also, there’s a letter from Czech Republic – Great Aunt Marta is coming to visit. She has some suspiciously convenient timing. I’m kind of feeling that this book is disjointed. There’s two entirely different things going on, sort of smushed together. There’s the werewolf thing, then the money/greed thing, which is actually a really common theme in Fear Street novels (along with crazy people taking over other’s identities). I’m just not sure that the two plots have anything to do with each other.

Eddie and Emmy go through the cemetery security footage the next day, and are surprised to find that it’s Riley who took the money. Their plan is to let everyone else know then all go to confront Riley. Emmy goes with Sophie, but starts to feel funny then blacks out. All of a sudden she’s in someone’s yard, and Riley’s body is draped over the hedges, clawed to pieces.

The official story is that he’d been mauled by a rabid wolf. There is a v sad funeral, everyone is traumatized but are still fighting about the money. Roxie finally gives Eddie and Emmy the briefcase and tells them she wants nothing to do with it, or them. Eddie reburies the case in the cemetery.

Great Aunt Marta comes. She is very old and mysterious, talking of the magic of the old country. She wakes Emmy up out of a wolf dream to tell her she’d been bitten by an immortal wolf creature in Prague and now she is wolfen. Emmy realizes she killed Riley.

Part Four

Emmy wakes Sophie up to ask her what happened at Riley’s. Apparently Emmy made Sophie drop her off and told her to leave, Sophie started to go home but then came back, and at that point the cops were already there. Emmy runs out into the night, where she is joined by wild dogs. They freak out when she stops though and turn on her. It’s Sophie who runs out and shoos the dogs away, saving them.

Great Aunt Marta leaves after a day. She literally just came to wake Emmy up in the middle of the night to tell her she’s a werewolf, with zero advice or anything. Great Aunt Marta sucks. She could have sent a letter. Or, like, a text. (Guess what, u r a flesh-eating werewolf, lol). That is the amount of useful she is.

After school, a man is waiting for Emmy and Eddie at her car, knows who she is and she figures he’s the robber. They take him to the pet cemetery. Eddie pulls his gun on the man, who asks him if that’s the gun he used to hold up the armored truck. Oh noes, looks like Eddie’s stepdad was very naughty and used his cop knowledge to knock off the truck. The man who took them to the cemetery by gunpoint is in fact a federal agent looking into the robbery. They dig up briefcase, but it is full of newsprint. Oops. They go to confront stepdad, because that’s how things are done officially in Fear Street, and he confesses and is arrested. The federal agent lets them know that the sentence will be reduced if the money is found, so the kids try to find it.

They figure it is the owner of the pet cemetery who has it. Sophie comes with Emmy and Eddie on this adventure. They search his apartment attached to the office at the cemetery, and find the money. Unfortunately, he surprises them. At gunpoint he forces them into a disgusting pit, filled with animal corpses. The guy had been taking people’s money, then just throwing the carcasses of their beloved pets into a pit behind his apartment. Gross, but also why did he hire Eddie to dig the graves then? Doesn’t make tons of sense.

Sophie turns into a wolf then. She leaps out of the pit and mauls the pet cemetery owner. She tells Emmy that she was the one bitten all those years ago, but started changing a few months ago. She’s the one who makes Emmy have weird dreams and blacks out sometimes. She basically blames Emmy for everything wrong with her life. Oh, yah, and she killed Riley because he knew her secret. Wha? That’s a little lot random. When did this come up? Why would he not have said anything? Anyway, Sophie runs away, and soon after Emmy and Eddie are rescued by some confused cops.

In the end, Mac survives the attack (will he be a werewolf now? This doesn’t come up at all), the money is returned and Eddie’s stepdad gets a lesser sentence. Emmy and Eddie get a $5000 reward, which just goes to show you that trying to steal lots of money really does pay, just less than you expect.

Emmy gets home exhausted, never expecting to see her sister helping to make dinner as always. Sophie says she doesn’t want to live in the woods forever (if I had been her, I would have taken all the money for myself and lived in the Bahamas forever, but whatever, I’m not a 15-year-old werewolf). Sophie approaches Emmy very intensely and asks her if she can keep a secret.

My issue with this book, besides the fact that RL seemed like he could not be finished quickly enough and threw in some random explanations at the end to just get out of it, is what I mentioned before, that it was kind of two unrelated books shoehorned in together. I would have loved to have something that focused entirely on the werewolf thing. I mean, Bad Moonlight was cheesy, but it was fun and loads better than this. I give this five gaping plot holes out of twelve.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

The Lost Girl or "Someone Gets Stabbed Through the Eye With a Flaming Candle, No Joke."

Welcome back to Fear Street y’all!

Turns out that R.L. Stine is publishing the new Fear Street books pretty fast and furious. Nothing like he was in the 90s (approximately 400 per year) but he’s been publishing one every six months since 2014! We have some catching up to do, clearly.

I am back with The Lost Girl, and boy, what a return to form it was! Like all great Fear Street novels, this one starts with a prologue and jumps back and forth between 1950 and 2016. The prologue is actually pretty long (like 8 chapters!) and focuses on Beth and her Italian family.

Beth’s family is finally opening their own stable. Beth’s father, Angelo Palmieri, worked as a stable hand for a prominent Irish family, the Dooleys, basically his whole life. (My immediate thought was they are all in Italian/Irish gangs! I wasn’t that far off). He’s finally saved enough money to open his own stable, and today is the opening day.

The whole family is ridiculously happy, although there is some tension between Beth and her mom. Beth is mad because her mom grounded her from last Sunday’s sock hop since Beth failed geometry. Beth thinks “Everyone knows girls aren’t good at math. Why does mom expect me to be special?” This has nothing to do with the plot, I just loved that these types of lines were thrown in. Classic Fear Street.

Another Fear Street classic is coming up - Beth is being stalked by Aaron Dooley, of Dooley Stables fame. Well, he’s the nephew of the stable owners. He follows Beth around, trying to convince her to kiss him. This is on page 8: “I tried to squirm free, but his gloved hands were inside my open coat and he tightened them around my waist. ‘Aaron, get off’ I snapped. ‘Get your paws off me. I’m in a hurry.’. The icy blue eyes flashed with excitement. He tightened his grip and pulled me to the side of the apartment building. ‘I’m tired of playing games with you,’ he said.”


And yes, it only gets worse! Assaultist Aaron pins Beth down and covers her face with kisses (weird), until Beth reveals the trick up her sleeve - she’s telekinetic and is mentally choking Aaron out.  She says “Why Aaron, you seem to have swallowed your tongue”, which admittedly, is a pretty bad ass thing to say while you’re choking someone.  Beth doesn’t kill Aaron, but instead leaves him in the snow, feeling very satisfied that he is now afraid of her. She’s not any worse for wear for the horrifying assault, as she laughs at how scared Aaron is, so that seems about par of the course for Shadyside women. She continues on her way to her dad’s stable opening and has a fine afternoon. Could RL have picked a less awful way for Beth to demonstrate her skills?

Martin Dooley, proprietor of Dooley Stables, shows up after the stable opening. Beth obviously stands around to eavesdrop, like all good Shadyside characters do. Martin accuses Angelo of betrayal for opening a competing stable, although how could he not have noticed this earlier? Like, when Angelo quit and built the stable? Maybe he has a flair for drama.  

While threatening Angelo about the business, Martin brings up Beth and how she “thinks she’s too good to go out with a Dooley?” Uh, yeah Martin, even Beth, the math dunce, is too good for Aaron. Anyways, Angelo and Martin get into a fight about who’s junk is bigger (I can only assume) and Martin leaves after threatening Angelo. The chapter ends with a classic “Two days later, my life ended.” OOOOOOOOOOHH.

Two days later, Irish thugs come and kidnap Angelo from the stable, while Beth looks on in horror from the office. She goes after the cars with her father in it, in the most boring and slow car chase. It is literally during a traffic jam. The thugs take him to Dooley’s Stables, of course, where he’s tied up on the ground between two stakes. Beth tries to do some telekinesis magic spell, but it doesn’t work. Beth kinda sucks.

What follows here though is quite possibly the most INSANE Fear Street death. Martin Dooley comes out and covers Angelo in honey and oats (delish!) and then releases...the horses? Yes friends, Angelo is savagely ripped apart when the horses are let loose and they eat the honey and oats, and I guess just keep on eating and kill Angelo? What? Is this something that horses do - eat their food and then just keep eating whatever’s beneath it until they’ve tunneled through to the centre of the earth? I actually googled “horses eat human flesh?” (note the incredulous question mark there). All I found is Greek mythology and a list of 10 countries who eat horse flesh. Maybe it was a revenge murder then.

Anyhoo, Beth has been watching this happen from behind a building. Since she kinda sucks, when she turns to run and get help, she runs the wrong way, and is quickly seen by the murderous irishmen and their band of flesh-eating horses (huh).  Oh, Aaron has shown up now too. They chase her into the woods and she crawls into a cave, hoping to hide from the absolute insanity she just saw. As she rushes deeper in the the cave she suddenly feels like she’s falling…

Present Day

We now meet Mike. Mike’s dad owns the snowmobile store and rental place in Fear Street which is pretty cool, and he has a girlfriend named Pepper who has fiery red hair - OF COURSE she does. We’ve discussed how Shadyside seems to have the highest proportion of redheads in the world, yes? I guess due to all the Irish gangs.

Anyways, he’s out grocery shopping for his mom when he spots the most beautiful girl - he describes her as looking like Emma Stone. Interesting. I think given our knowledge of RL’s love of redheads, we may have stumbled across his celebrity crush!  Mike is watching her so intently, he also watches her steal a bunch of food. Odd. They talk outside the store about Mike’s dog and two weird things happen: she knows his name without him telling her; and he apparently wandered out of the store without his groceries and has to go back in. She introduces herself as Mindy Barker. Get it together, Mike.

The next chapter introduces the rest of the characters: Gabe is Mike’s best friend, who loves video games. Diego is the big athlete, and Kathryn is the small artsy one. Pepper rounds them out. When Mike runs into Mindy in the hall and introduces Gabe, she laughs at Mike and tells him her real name is Lizzy Walker. Mike is embarrassed for some inexplicable reason - how would you know this random new girl would give you a fake name?? This had no impact on the plot. So weird!

Also, the name Lizzy? Are teens slower than they were in the 80s and 90s? Or does RL want people to catch on early? If you don’t understand my meaning, I’m sure you’ll catch up soon.

Mike runs into Lizzy again that afternoon - she tells him she’s LOST. Get it? He points her in the right direction and she attempts to hold his hand. Actually wait. She holds his hand, then pricks his finger with a thumbtack, pricks her own and pushes them together before Mike can react. WHAT?! She whispers “now we’re bloods.” Please tell me what your reaction would be if a person did that to you. Because holy crap, how Mike is not terrified for his life is beyond me.

He thinks very little of this extremely distressing incident and then goes to work on the yearbook with Pepper. Pepper saw him with Lizzy earlier in the day and is jealous (of course) but he tells her she has nothing to worry about. As he has Lizzy’s blood coursing through his veins! Scandalous!

That night, Lizzy wanders over to his house out of the blue claiming she got *lost* and also doesn’t explain how she knew where Mike lived. Super weird. His mom invites her in for dinner where she eats like a feral animal that’s been caught in a cage for weeks. She hears that Michael and his friends are going snowmobiling the next day and begs to come. When he says yes, she kisses him on the cheek out of happiness! Which is totally something new friends do... Of course Pepper comes over right then to see Lizzy eating at the dinner table with the family, also kinda kissing Mike. With Pepper super pissed off, Lizzy wanders off into the night again, in the wrong direction. Classic Lizzy!

The most surprising part of the snowmobile day is that the kids are drinking again! I mean, I’m not surprised teens are drinking, but it was very rare for Fear Street kids to drink in the original series, but it seems like they drink in every book now. It’s Mike, Pepper, Lizzy, and their three friends whose name I can’t bother looking up right now. Diego and so and so.

Anyways, after downing a few beers, they start snowmobiling. Everything is going well; Pepper even promised to try to be nice to Lizzy since she’s new in town - probably a bigger person than me.  Mike is snowmobiling down a path and … someone starts to cross in front of him. Mike feels like he can’t move his arms to swerve, or hands to brake! He runs over the guy, and then is able to get his body under control. Too late - he's dead.

Everyone is freaking out. Lizzy says that she knows him - his name is Angel and he almost beat two kids to death! They all agree that he was bad news, and should probably just leave him there. Wha?  Luckily, Mike has a change of heart before they get back to his dad’s shop. He realizes that it clearly looks like Angel was run over by snowmobiles, so it probably won’t take too long for (even) the Shadyside police to put two and two together. So even though their change of heart was more based on logistics than morality, they troupe back to the scene of the crime to call for help.

Except.. The body is gone!

Part Two- 1950

It’s been a few days since Angelo was murdered by flesh-eating horses, and Beth is still missing. I guess the Irish gang dumped Angelo in the forest as the police tell her they think he was eaten by wolves. Nice police work there. Beth’s mom, Gina, decides to have a double funeral.  

During the funeral Martin Dooley comes to pay his respects, which does not sit well with ol’ Gina. She stabs him in the eye with a goddamn candle, which lights his face and head on fire. Gina does NOT eff around! This is how she reacts after she sees Martin Dooley go up in flames: “Gina crossed her arms in front of her chest and watched.” Bad ass.

Part Three - Present

Of course the Shadyside teachers take their students grave rubbing. Reminds me of the teacher in Hocus Pocus who is way to into the Sanderson sisters. Like, I get it, you live in a creepy town. You don’t need to drag children to cemetery on a dreary day.

Lizzy conveniently finds Beth and Angelo’s graves to do rubbings on. Weird.  Weirder still, when Michael is by himself, he sees Angel climbing out of a grave! His friends think that Angel must be alive then, that Michael didn’t kill him in  the snowmobile accident. So...the theory is that Angel is fine, but just hangs around in open graves…? I mean, it’s Shadyside, so this might be a valid theory.

Lizzy on the other hand thinks that Angel is dead (she claims he was real dead when she examined him at the accident) so it must be an evil ghost. I guess as equally likely a theory. Lizzy is very scared, so Michael gives her a hug. As he’s hugging her, this happens: “I held onto Lizzy. Her tears felt hot against my cheek. Am I becoming obsessed with her?”  Hahaha WTF. By the way, the italics were R.L.s, not mine! Classic Fear Street fear boner.

Anyways, Pepper sees this hug and dumps Michael, thank goodness. What a wang.  He gets a threatening phone call that night and the caller claims that Mike killed him. Mike refuses to go to the police, which is probably fair enough. I mean, this guy made a threatening phone call, but Mike had previously run him over.  

(Confession time: At this point in my recap, I put the book down and didn’t pick it up for 2 months. My recollection is hazy and my notes aren’t that good. Luckily, this recap is already super long so I don’t feel guilty with how poorly I will recap the rest of the book. This is only halfway!)

The next day, Lizzy gets knocked out at school and although she (unsurprisingly) doesn’t see her attacker, he whispers in her ear “one by one”. Much to Mike’s delight, Lizzy kisses him later that week at his house. Much to my disgust, she reminds him that they’re “bloods”, as in, remember that time I pricked your finger and gave you a blood-born illness? After she leaves his house, his mom is missing her special amethyst ring. Mike is flabbergasted by what could have happened to it!

Obviously, Lizzy is wearing the ring and telling everyone Mike gave it to her. He’s so mad he thinks about how he is actually seeing red! A little bit of a rage issue, like all good Fear Street men. Before he can confront Lizzy, he is given a paper bag full of red hair by a random student - Pepper’s hair! Mike doesn’t know what happened to Pepper, so he and Gabe rush to the hospital. On the way, their car is chased and rammed from behind.

Mike wakes up in hospital.  Gabe was crushed to death. My next notes says “Confesses all to cops. Asks about zombies?” I don’t remember that, but I really liked that note, so there you go. Even after all that has happened, Mike is still mostly thinking of Lizzy.  The police visit him a few days later to ask about Lizzy, since they’ve discovered there is no Lizzy Walker in school. Mike thinks about how he doesn’t know anything about her and “Maybe she’s poor…”. Worst case scenario for any Shadysider, I know.

Lizzy comes to find Mike and begs for his help.  When he tells her to go to the police she is certain that Angel would kill her for doing that, and insists she needs the help of her “blood”, gross.  She makes out with Mike then asks him to kill Angel for her (specifically, tomorrow night). Mike agrees and Lizzy says she’ll get a gun. That was fast.

In an interesting way to spend their time, Mike and Diego decide to continue filming a class project. Macbeth, to be exact. Diego wants to film it in the boiler room of their school, for unknown reasons. Mike agrees but when he goes down, Diego has been tied to the boiler, and when Mike releases the ropes, all his skin slides off his back. Barf.

Diego is surprisingly alive, although probably wishes he wasn’t. Pepper (who is fine, just got knocked out and had her head shaved) and Mike try to work on the yearbook to take their minds off their dead and maimed friends. They make an interesting discovery - in an old 1950 yearbook, there is a Beth Palmieri that looks identical to Lizzy! Pepper also points out their names are the same.  Mike remembers he saw something like that in the cemetery and they go confirm that, yup, Beth Palmieri is buried there. They don’t know what to make of this. Pepper asks to hang out that night but Mike says no, thinking about how Lizzy is getting a gun.

He goes to meet Lizzy that night at the spot of the old Fear Mansion. He can’t find Lizzy so he just wanders around the Fear Street Woods (at night in winter) until Pepper comes up behind him. She followed him because he’s been such a weirdo.  Lizzy comes then and flies into a rage when she sees Pepper there. She uses her telekinesis (which I kinda forgot about) to freeze Pepper in place. Lizzy excitedly tells Mike that he’s here so she can kill him.  Angel steps out of the woods too. It is actually Aaron Dooley for some reason? They are working together?

So apparently Lizzy has been lusting for revenge on Mike because (surprise!) Mike is Martin Dooley’s grandson. Martin Dooley has been dead for years (probably because his face caught fire), but Lizzy doesn’t let that satisfy her. Lizzy and Aaron lead Mike to the cave that she used to escape in 1950 and explains it’s actually a time travelling tunnel back to that year.  She also explains that Aaron followed her through the time portal, (most likely, because he was/is a stalker who is obsessed with her).  Aaron claims he was disgusted by how his father killed Beth/Lizzy’s father and he was too scared to move when it happened.  That doesn’t explain the assault from the beginning of the book. Oh here it is: “We...had a bad time before...A bad moment a few days before. I actually hated him. But I was wrong about him. He loved me. He loved me so much, he followed me into the cave.” God dammit R.L.

Lizzy and Aaron go to shove Mike through the time travelling cave where they say he will cease to exist (although I should mention that if they travelled from 1950 to 2016 and stayed 16, Mike would travel to 1950 and also remain 16. If they didn’t age, he wouldn’t anti-age into non-existence. The physics is all wrong!). Luckily Pepper comes out of her frosty spell and screams. This moment of distraction allows Mike to shove Lizzy and Aaron into the cave where… they age 70 years very rapidly (I don’t think this is how time-travel works). Also, they age until they are an old pile of bones, which I think if very unfair to 86 year olds.

The books of course ends with Mike doing a grave rubbing of Beth Palmieri’s grave, because why the eff not.

Alright, this book was waaaaayyyy too long and also, didn’t make the best sense. Putting the issues with time-traveling caves aside, I don’t really get Lizzy and Aaron’s plan. Okay, they wanted to torture Mike for what his grandfather did. Did they have to kill and maim multiple innocent others? Also, why did they have to run Aaron/Angel over with the snowmobile?? Couldn’t they have just started stalking Mike out of the blue? Aaron seemed great at that!

Well, there you have it. The Lost Girl by R.L. Stine.  I can’t say that I loved it because it was a little crazy in a bad way. Seventeen flesh-eating-horses out of thirty-two.