Fear Street 1666, or "To Carrie is a Verb, Right?"

Time for the third installment of the Fear Street trilogy, and I am so excited to see how this creepy story wraps up! So far, things seem dire. Just when Deena and Josh think they can end the Shadyside curse, Deena is pulled into Sarah Fier's life more than three centuries ago!

Deena is Sarah, but when you see reflections of the character, it's a different, although similar woman, so Deena is experiencing what happened to Sarah. Amazing, I love this concept! She's living on a homestead, in the small settlement of Union, birthing pigs and being sassy. This is not a hounded witch, but a member of the community. She tells her father she won't marry Solomon Goode (!), despite the fact that his wife is dead and he is possibly interested. Another potentially evil Goode?

Oh my goodness, Kate and Simon are here! While they have different names and speak in English-y accents, they clearly remain Deena's naughty friends. All the characters in Union are played by characters from the first two movies, and I love this continuity. Constance and Abigail are Cindy and Ziggy from Camp Nightwing. And then Hannah Miller shows up and ... it's Sam! Sarah Fier and Hannah Miller are clearly as in love with each other in this time as they are in the '90s. I'm swooning, this is all very romantic.

Hannah is the pastor's daughter. Thomas (who played Tommy/Burlap Head in other films) is a creepy religious guy portending doom. Sarah is bringing a piglet to Solomon Goode, who is played by Sheriff Goode. They're friends, and Solomon seems kind.

Lizzie (Kate) is bringing Hannah and Sarah into the woods to visit the widow who lives outside the settlement, and apparently practices witchcraft (even though Soloman warned Sarah not to be out that night). The widow essentially knows Indigenous medicines and handles abortions for women, so obvs she's "evil." When the full moon rises before the sun sets, she's open for business, which does seem to be a bit of a sketchy time, although I think I want to put that on my business card.

When they arrive at her hovel, the widow isn't there but Sarah finds her grimoire. She reads a spell about Satan before the widow arrives and knocks the book away (hi, Nurse Lane!) Sarah shouldn't be messing with things she doesn't know about. Lizzie manages to find the "berries" she had come for (which is a cute nod to the fruit codes she put on her drug business in the first movie). The girls go to a clearing where the young people gather and eat crazy berries and it's a pilgrim party.

A grabby guy tries to feel up Hannah (her vanilla boyfriend!), and Sarah defends her. They run into the woods and have a hot and sweet makeout session. But somebody sees them! Hannah says they'll be hung for what they did, but Sarah says let them because she was never alive before now. Swoon!

Next day, everything is wrong. The pastor is behaving weird, and Sarah's father denounces her as an abomination. All of the food spoils suddenly and the happy Mama pig eats all of her babies. Sarah kills her with an axe. Something is stuck in the well, and it turns out to be the corpse of Sarah's dog.

Thomas has told everyone about Sarah and Hannah and says the devil has come. Wow, the whole town atmosphere changed from contented to messed up overnight. Solomon comes to find Sarah, and she confesses she's not sure it isn't her - because she loves Hannah! Solomon is sweet and comforting, telling her she can't be evil without inviting it in.

Screaming. Pastor Miller has locked all the children in the church and mothers are desperate to get to them. Sullivan breaks down the door. All the children are motionless in the pews. Oh god, and there's ... entrails on the floor? Oh no, it's eyesballs. All of their eyeballs.

The town goes into riot mode. Isaac (Simon) tries to tell them all they just drank apple jack and danced like fun-loving teens, but Hannah's ogre would-be boyfriend accuses Hannah and Sarah of laying with the devil. The town runs after the two girls who had been listening at the window. Only Hannah is caught by a mob, while the womenfolk look on terrified and baffled as the men go effing nuts.

Sarah comes to rescue Hannah, but Hannah tells her to run, there's no saving her. They've already decided she's guilty. Sarah decides she'd actually rather make a deal with the devil. I love this! If they want a witch, I'll give them a witch. But when she gets to the widow, she finds her murdered and someone has stolen the grimoire. Sarah thinks someone else has already made a deal with the devil, and Solomon believes her.

The men search Solomon's house while Sarah is there, so she hides in his cellar. Only it leads to the caves with the witch's mark! And the grimoire! It's all Goode! I knew he was evil! (Seriously, I was so excited at this point). Solomon was the one who saw Sarah with Hannah in the forest all along.

The disgusting pulsing thing emerges. Solomon has already sacrificed Pastor Miller, giving his name to be possessed by the devil. One person every few years for the price of power - that's how the Shadyside curse works. Solomon wants Sarah and tries to bring her to the dark side, but she stabs him. Reasonable.

She flees through the twisting caves, where she comes to the ... outhouse exit? I don't know how else to describe it. She tries to climb out but Goode gets to her. He tells her he loves her while attacking her, then cuts off her hand. She manages to crawl away and finds her way to the meeting house. Solomon is right behind her, claiming he found the witch.

There is a very disturbing torch-wielding mob. I feel like you're probably never on the right side of history if you are wielding a torch in your hand. Like, just don't. The girls are shackled, while their friends look on, horrified. 

After a lingering look, Sarah confesses to witchcraft to save Hannah, saying she used witchery on her as well. As Solomon wraps her in chains, she says the truth will come out, and she will shadow him forever.

She is hung. Her friends dig up her body and move it to the forest, giving her a proper burial. Sarah Fier was good and she was loved. The truth is her curse to Goode - she would follow him forever until everyone knows. This was a devastating scene, and my god this movie is tragically romantic. Also, feminist, thank god. I have such issues with the "evil witch" trope, which was my one hold-back from loving the first two movies, that all the horror comes from an evil woman. Now that I know it comes from a long line of evil men, well. That makes more sense.

Part Two (haha, this is in like, every Fear Street book)

Back to 1994, Deena comes back to herself with all these memories. And, oh shit, Sheriff Goode just pulled up. He pulls a gun on them. Can I just say I called it FROM THE START. Sheriff Motherfucking Evil. The teens do what anyone would do in this situation, and steal his car.

So to recap within my recap, the Goodes of Sunnyvale trade Shadysiders to the devil. That person is possessed by the devil who kills and feeds off of that murder - and the Goodes get whatever they want. And this also means that - Nick Goode was the one who named Tommy Slater. The Sheriff was the cause of the Nightwing Massacre. When they tell Ziggy, she's horrified. Nick Goode might actually love her, but he is hella fucked up.

Now, all of the killers are going to be after the small group of people trying to stop them: Deena, Josh, Ziggy, and a zombie-esque Sam who is still growling in chains. They need to kill Nick Goode. And they're going to need help.

Then the best line of the entire trilogy comes up when they pull up in the yard of Martin, the guy they helped escape from jail in the first movie.

Josh: Want to help us kill Sheriff Goode?

Martin: Let me get my coat.

Ha.

I'm going to reiterate that it's messed up they kept the hanging tree as the centrepiece of the Shadyside Mall, but what else are you going to get in Fear Street? Deena gives an inspiring speech that they're doing this for all their loved ones, and prepare the Mall to some wicked Offspring beats. The plan: they will use Deena's blood as a lure to get each of the killers into a different mall store, then release the gate and lock them in.

Only they are stopped by the mall cops! This isn't going to go well, as the demonic killers begin to arrive. The psycho mailman stabber gets there first. I'm surprised Ziggy doesn't have a PTSD breakdown from seeing the thing that knifed her to death before, I think she's awfully resilient. The killers walk right by Josh and Ziggy and Martin, following Deena's blood tracks. Ooh, Ruby Lane hasn't shown up yet, she's the creepiest. She needs her own show.

The plan is working, some of the killers are locked away, but then they go still. Ziggy says it's him.

She faces Sheriff Goode down at the hanging tree and Carrie's him, dousing him in Deena's blood. Then they release all the killers, sending them after the man who raised them. But Nick grabs Ziggy as a shield, so maybe he doesn't love her all that much, god, so Deena slices her hand to distract them. She runs to a back part of the mall and finds a grate that leads to the cave system. Goode has been stabbed but follows her down.

Upstairs, the remaining team covers the killers in Deena's blood and they go after each other. Only Sam gets free and goes downstairs too. The malformed child and Ruby just showed up, and they are out for blood. Only Josh is ready to fight them.

Deena finds the pulsating evil, only to be tackled by Sam. Before she hurts Deena, though, Sam stops, as though remembering her, and Deena knocks her out. Nick is there and stabs Deena, but before he can kill her, she forces his hand on the pulsating evil.

Sarah Fier comes back, making him see all his victims from the start to the end. Then she possesses Deena's body and stabs him in the eye.

The killers explode and the pulsing evil is finally gone! Sam is back and they kiss. More happy news: Deena wasn't stabbed! She had made a stab-proof vest out of Fear Street novels and duct tape. My god, I love this movie!

The carved names on the wall disappear, as does the witch's mark. Sam and Deena leave the cave together, to a weird house mounted with goat heads everywhere. Yup, that would be the Goode house.

Bad things start to happen to Sunnyvalers. The Sheriff is named the Shadyside Killer, and Shadyside starts to feel hope again. Ziggy goes to find Nurse Lane, and they reconcile. Josh meets a cute nerdy girl. And Deena and Sam go to Sarah's resting place, where the carve: Sarah Fier, the first Shadysider. And they kiss! It all ends happily ever after. I love this so much. Nothing will destroy my happiness that ... oops, somebody left that pesky grimoire lying about. And in the credits, somebody reaches out and snatches it!

Guys, how much did you love the Fear Street trilogy! I got over my fear of horror movies to see this through, and I was not disappointed. 18 out of 18 tragic love stories that finally get their sort of happy ending!

Return to Fear Street: The Wrong Girl, or "Overreacting Teens, Overreacting"

This second book in the revamped Fear Streets was reminiscent of the series I know and like to snark on. A group of teens get into trouble, and things spin out of control on Fear Street. My issue was the POV kept on changing, and I had trouble keeping up!

Part One: Six weeks before the Robbery

Poppy is a bored teen poet and pretty whiny at that. She meanly describes all the other kids in her group of friends, including Keith, her boyfriend she is so over. Others she snarks on include bestie Ivy, her boyfriend Jeremy, and Manny. They are SO BORED at the mall, and I remember when I had all that time on my hands. Must be nice.

But then Poppy sees new kid Jack, who is attractive and intense. Also, we know he's a badass because he has an earring AND a tattoo. He convinces them to play a prank, letting in a bunch of stray dogs into a pet store. Keith is out, and Poppy thinks he's so lame. The rest of them get the whole thing on video and post it on YouTube, becoming internet darlings. Poppy lets Jack drive her home, and they make out. I guess she's really over Keith and into dangerous guys.

Heather, Poppy's sister, is furious Poppy didn't invite her in on the prank, but Poppy can't really stand her lame younger sister and tells her she doesn't have any friends of her own. Ouch, Poppy is just plain mean.

The next day, Poppy auditioned for the school play, up against her arch-nemesis Rose, a beautiful bitch. Poppy craps on her audition and is upstaged when her sister shows up and stabs herself in the heart. Obviously, it's with a stage knife and, like, super melodramatic.

We change to Ivy's POV, thinking about how her boyfriend is a Martian. Does anyone in this book like who they are dating? It's just like high school! Jeremy is super allergic to everything. Keith calls Ivy to see what's going on with Poppy, and Ivy is uncomfortable because she can see the writing on the wall with Keith. When Ivy goes to Poppy's that night, Jack is already there, and she thinks Keith doesn't stand a chance.

Rose very bitchily tells Poppy she didn't get any part in the play, and Poppy shows off her impressive temper. She stabs her ... but of course not for real, just a fantasy. Classic Fear Street.

Poppy has her friends over that night to plan their next prank, to cheer her up from being such a bad actress. She wants to target Rose, like putting a laxative in her drink. Jack pooh-poohs (see what I did there?) the idea. Instead, he suggests a fake car wreck, staged at an intersection near the school so no one can get there to watch the play. They're all in and name their prank group Shadyside Shade. Ooh, guys, how great would it be if they had called it Shadyside Snark? I would die.

Now Keith's POV. He's a stressed-out boy. He goes to Poppy's to find comfort but instead finds her with all their friends and Jack, and he didn't get an invite. He races home, downs some rum and starts cutting himself. Whoa, Keith has demons.

It's the day of the big play, and Poppy has just broken up with Keith (and kinda broke him). She and Ivy are on their way to the staged accident, where they lightly bump their cars together, blocking the intersection. Then, for greater effect, Poppy puts a smoke machine in Ivy's car. Except it actually set fire to the car, which then explodes. Whoops.

The cops investigate, and one of them is Manny's brother. Poppy agrees that all of this is her fault and is ready to accept the consequences ... just kidding! Ivy is in super trouble because it was her parent's car that exploded, and she's furious with Poppy. And Keith is feeling pretty good about being dumped and losing all his friends - not! He goes to buy beer with a high school dropout who works at the Pic-n-Pay, who confesses to stalking girls. Then Keith cuts himself. This book should come with a trigger warning.

Poppy is now working at the hamburger joint, Lefty's. Ooh, Rose comes in with Heather. Maybe they formed an I Hate Poppy Club. In a massive overreaction, Poppy smashes a burger into Rose's face. Ooh, that temper! And yeah, she's fired.

Heather's POV: she's hanging with Rose after the burger incident. Rose says she's never taken Poppy seriously, which is such a burn because, as Heather says, Poppy is obsessed with Rose.

Jack gets the gang together, telling them the best thing to do would be to rob a store as a prank. Poppy is in, mainly to impress Jack. He's targeted the Pic-n-Pay, the same place with the creepy guy who stalks girls - so that's not great. They all agree, then Jack and Poppy make out, like, a lot.

Ivy, Poppy and Jeremy case the joint. Run by a guy named Harlow, who seems really nice - but it's okay, he'll be in on the prank because it's good publicity. There's a moment where they discuss Oreo flavours and how they keep on coming up with new ones and nobody likes them - it's true. Do Carrot Cake Oreos actually exist? Ew. Poppy runs into stalker guy in the storage closet. He's so creepy, and her gut instinct tells her to run away, and then he calls her by her name, which is devastating. How did he know?

They prepare for the prank, but just before they go into the store, Jack hands Poppy a gun, telling her it's real but loaded with blanks. But when they hold Harlow up, he doesn't act like he's in on it and tries to discourage them. Then he reaches for his gun, and Jack screams at Poppy to shoot.

She freaks out and shoots him in the head. Holy shit, the whole thing is caught on camera. Jack laughs until he realizes Harlow is actually dead.

Part Two

Poppy stops to vomit everywhere as they flee. Her mom comes home from her fascinating work experimenting with giant hornets (oh god, this was written before the murder hornet crisis, right? Did RL know something?). Poppy confesses what she did, but her mom didn't hear her, so that was a lot of nothing.

Manny calls Poppy because she needs to turn herself in, he accidentally posted the video, and it's everywhere. If she goes to his brother, he'll be kind to her. Poppy arrives there by herself and confesses. The cop takes her to the crime scene.

Harlow is there, and he's fine. Everybody's laughing and cheering. It was all a prank ... on Poppy! Jack orchestrated it all because ... he's actually with Rose and had been stringing Poppy along as a joke. That's black, man; I don't condone that. Was Rose cool with him making out with her all the time? Wtf?

As to be expected, Poppy loses her exceptional temper and vows revenge on all of them. Again, massive overreaction. I think it would be appropriate to be happy you are not, in fact, a murderer, and the nice man you thought you killed was still alive? But no. Poppy is all me me me.

Part Three

Poppy is feeling sorry for herself - she has such mean friends! Ex-friends, now that she refuses to speak to any of them. She's working as a taxi dispatcher now, and when she leaves, she is stalked by extremely creepy stalker guy. He is intensely rapey but finally lets her go. This scene was genuinely terrifying because most women have been in this position at one time or another. Was this written by a woman? I'm getting that vibe. Anyways, Poppy backs up over the stalker, and I approve.

She goes to Ivy's, who's been begging her for forgiveness. Poppy uses her washroom, then tells Ivy she never wants to see her again. Poppy, get over it. I wouldn't forgive Jack because he was a creep, but her actual friends should be given a pass. Oh, god, Poppy does not forgive. Instead, "someone" put acid in Ivy's shampoo, giving her horrific burns and causing all of her hair to fall out. Ivy had perfect hair, so this is huge.

Swing over to Jeremy's POV, who's having an asthma attack as he gets the horrifying news from a sobbing Ivy. It's at that point he realizes his bedroom is filled with hornets. They attack, and Jeremy falls over, unable to breathe ...

Cops come to Poppy's house to investigate since she did vow revenge on the victims just the other day. Heather unhelpfully points out that Poppy uses a strong acid to clean jewelry. And when they go to look, the bottle is gone! Now Poppy is suspect #1! She's also a real piece of work and showing a shocking lack of empathy towards Ivy. They get the news at that point, Jeremy died in the hospital from the hornet stings. Now Poppy's mom even thinks she did it because Poppy knew about her experimental hornets.

Now, at first, I thought this next chapter was in Poppy's POV and thought she was psychotically un-empathetic, but then I went back to realize it was Keith. Keith is shockingly nonempathetic, and apparently, he overdosed once and spent some time in a hospital himself. This is why he pretends to be boring, but he's actually hardcore.

Poppy remembers she saw her mom's hornets WITH KEITH - and all of a sudden remembers he threatened her after they broke up. So, of course, she goes to confront him. And HE LIVES ON FEAR STREET. And her stalker is stalking her. And Keith isn't home, but his mom says he has "episodes."

Poppy returns home to find her rabbit cuts to pieces in her bed. No, that's awful and way too personal. Now I actually suspect her weird sister.

Part Four

Poppy doesn't want to go to school because everyone thinks she's a murderer, but her sister says she'll sit with her. Okay, it was definitely the sister. It's the day of the school play, which they had missed because of the fake/real car wreck, and the curtain rises on Rose, tangled in ropes and strangled with Poppy's scarf. It's for sure the sister, right? Angry that Rose dropped her once Jack got rid of Poppy?

Everyone's a suspect, everyone's sketchy, and I still think it's the sister. All parties are gathered in the music room by the cops, and apparently, Poppy figures something out. She dramatically confesses. Which infuriates her sister, who angrily reveals it was actually her. Heh. I knew it.

But then she stabs Poppy, and Keith confesses for real - wait, what? He rips his shirt to show off his cutting scars to show how angry he really is. Poppy and Heather congratulate themselves on their excellent acting - it was a fake knife all along. They figured if they confessed, the real killer would want to confess. But ... that's stupid, even though it worked. If I were the killer, I'd be like ... yeah, it was them! Luckily, Keith isn't too sharp, and so the investigation wraps up. O ... kay.

I wasn't very into this one. It was a bit long, and all the teens were pretty whiny. I kinda wished that Poppy actually was the murderer; that would have surprised me. On the other hand, points for the realistic uber-creepy stalker, and there were some creative deaths in there. I'll give it three murderous hornets out of seven.