Friday, January 30, 2009
The Last Scream or "Sheer, Effing MADNESS"
The Last Scream starts off pretty soon after The Loudest Scream ended. Rundown of characters, shall we?
Deirdre Bradley: Our “protagonist” if you will, known best for cheating on her boyfriend, then making out with her new boyfriend on the day of the funeral. Her father owns Fear Park.
Robin Fear: Sorcerer extraordinaire, Deirdre’s new boyfriend, 80 year old man in the body of a 17 year old. Creepy!
Jason Bradley: Deirdre’s father, hellbent on opening up the damned park!
Meghan Fairwood: Robin’s girlfriend from the 1930s who he also made immortal, thinks Robin is protecting the Bradleys but we all know he’s actively trying to kill them.
And that’s pretty much it! Most of the other characters we’ve met before this have already died. Which is awesome.
The cover is a little disappointing since they seem to have traded models, and Deirdre is no longer a Mila Kunis look-alike. The tag line is great: "It's closing time ... for Deirdre." But I can't figure out what the heck is going on on the cover! Deirdre is escaping Robin... from a cave? Which a ride runs though? They don't go spelunking in this book, do they? O well, the craziness just goes uphill from here!
The book starts with Deirdre having a nightmare but I’ll skip over it since that’s kind of a cop out. When Deirdre wakes up, she runs into her father, Jason, choking on something in the hallway. And it turns out he’s choking on… WORMS. Huge, foot long, brown, slimy WORMS. BLECHHHHH! That is super gross, especially because he keeps reaching down his throat and pulling more out. (This also happens to Ron in one of the Harry Potter books. Was J.K ripping off R.L.?)
We see that Robin is conjuring these worms from across town in his mansion. Meghan barges in and interrupts so Robin says he was doing a “protection spell”. Meghan tells him that she hates immortal life and wants to grow old with him. Robin is all “I’ve grown old OF you!” and chuckles to himself. Real witty.
Deirdre talks to her dad about closing down the park, but Jason reveals the REAL reason why they can’t close. He’s sunk all their money into it, including the college money for Deirdre that her dead mother left behind. Yeouch! That’s rough. Deirdre is surprising calm, and is all “We’ll just have to be a success then!” I think I’d be more pissed. Robin walks in and hears them discussing the future great success of Fear Park and is hella pissed enough for the both of them! He goes to his job at the Ferris Wheel, and decides on his latest devious plan. While people are riding the Ferris Wheel, he cranks up the speed so they’re whirling really fast. And that’s it. Admittedly, it would be kinda scary, and some people threw up, but like… it’s a wheel. Turning fast.
Robin pretends the lever is jammed and sends the security guards to get Jason. Because of his Bear-Man strength? Anyways, when Jason gets there, Robin pushes him into the spinning wheel while saying “You’re dead!” in front of a crowd. But no one noticed. Right. Jason’s SCALP (!!) gets caught on the wheel and he’s dragged up high then drops to a crumpled heap on the ground. (Jason is really getting the shit end of the stick this time around) He’s not dead though, and Robin briefly considers strangling him right there but decides against it. Uh, Robin? If you’re magic, why don’t you kill him, like, MAGICALLY? I just didn’t (still don’t!) understand WHY the murder had to be so complicated! Just send that purple fog in his room when he’s alone! What’s the big deal!? Meghan shows up and they go home together, but not before they notice a red-haired boy looking over at them. Yikes! A Ginger!!
Deirdre and Robin talk about her father a few days later (he’s in a coma) and also discuss how Deirdre is still receiving phone calls from a mysterious person warning her about Robin Fear. Both Deirdre and Robin are nervous about these phone calls, for different reason obviously. Robin is thinking to himself later and comes up with this gem: Someone from the past FOLLOWED him here! Hmmm. Since Robin didn’t time travel nor did he even MOVE, I can only assume he meant someone AGED? And then came back to the same spot where Robin has been the past 60 years? Diabolical! Is he worried about an attack from the Shadyside Legion?
Robin spots Deirdre talking to the Ginger that look familiar to Meghan and him. He assumes Ging has to be the time-traveling-immortal-space-cowboy-genius that is turning Deirdre against him. Later that day, Robin spots Deirdre on a date with Ging, and overhears his name is Gary. O look, Deirdre’s cheating on another boyfriend! (albeit an evil one) Hey, Deirdre? You know a good place to bring an illicit lover? Any place BESIDES where both you and your current boyfriend work! How did she not get caught sooner than this?! Anyways, Robin isn’t jealous, he just wants to see if Gary is immortal. When Gary and Deirdre get on the big swing ride (so fun!), he works his purple mojo and sends Gary’s seat a-flying! Luckily for Gary, Robin sent the wrong seat into some power lines that are just hanging nearby, but it’s kinda unfortunate for the innocent kid who was electrocuted.
Robin isn’t one to dwell on the murder of innocent children though. He’s back at murderin’ the next day! He tries to take out Jason Bradley, who is lying defenseless in a coma, but can’t because Deirdre’s there. Not really a bad-ass sorcerer hey? He then tries to crush Gary in the parking lot with some purple fog-mystified construction equipment but misses Gary. Robin is left wondering whether Gary is immortal or just lucky, and then gets run off by some guy who was mad at Robin for kneeling by his car. HA!
Robin is upset at home and is not in the mood when Meghan comes in to demand that Robin find a spell to make her mortal again. They end up scrappin’ and I mean that they literally tear scraps of each other off and wrestle around on the floor. Like most 80 year olds.
We finally hear Deirdre’s side of things, and it turns out that she knows all about Robin Fear and his evil plans. A “friend” has let her in on Robin’s secret, although we don’t know who it is (hint: either a Ging or Meghan Fairwood, who I think also might be a Ging). Anyhoo, Deirdre knows that Robin is an immortal, trying to kill her and her family. Robin stops by the managing trailer in Fear Park and demands that Deirdre go on a short walk with him. She doesn’t want to but doesn’t see how she can get out of it.
When he starts leading her down a dark path she finally freaks, and boots it outta there. She runs all the way to the midway before Robin catches up, but since she didn’t REALLY have an escape plan, she tries to play it off all cool. “Beat you! You run like an old woman!” (Yes, insult the murderous sorcerer). Deirdre buys them a cotton candy and thinks that she needs to stall until Gary can get there. She’s eating the cotton candy, when the purple smoke billows around her, and then the cotton candy forms a seal over her face, suffocating her. Robin is all “I’ll get help!” (while snickering) and runs off. He looks back in time to see Gary splash water over the candy, dissolving it. Wait. Why the EFF wouldn’t Robin have made the cotton candy magical, like have it stronger than WATER? GAwd, nothing Robin does makes sense!!
Robin confronts Deirdre and Gary, asking Gary who he is. Deirdre says Gary is her old boyfriend and they’ve gotten back together. Which is about the worst way to break up with someone, evil sorcerer or not. Cold. Hearted. Robin is pissed (for different reasons, since he thinks Gary is the time-traveling-immortal-senior) but discovers a spell to kill immortals in one of his spell books! He invites Meghan (hitting two birds with one stone) as well as Deirdre and Gary to the Hatchet Show the following night.
Deirdre and Gary inexplicitly show up. The theater is mostly empty, except for around 20-30 people. Meghan and Robin show up, and Robin seems really excited. He can’t even hold in his glee. The show starts. The purple fog rolls in. The teenagers come into view…
I feel like I need to stop here. Because what you are about to read are a few of the ass-craziest scenes in Fear Street history. Like, for real. This makes immortal-seniors and killer Ferris Wheels sounds normal. Just… soak it all in.
…and they’re the ZOMBIES of the original dead teenagers from 1935!! Robin is SO pleased with himself for conjuring them up, as they shuffle towards the group of four sitting in the front row. They come closer and closer, as Meghan, Deirdre and Gary are frozen with fear (that’s what zombies will do to you!) They reach the group… and grab ROBIN! They drag him onto the stage and force him to his hands and knees. The first kid, chops off his head! The rest of the kids each take their turn chopping him to little bits, but it seems anti-climatic after his head was sliced off on the first try. Why aren’t these zombies into torturing? (Let’s discuss for a second. What the EFF do these other 20 to 30 people in crowd think is going on? A new show? Did they flee? Or did they stay to watch a live decapitation? I reeeeeally wish that would have been explained)
After Robin’s death, Meghan leaps up and thanks Deirdre for helping her and setting her free! PLOT TWIST! It was the girls doing magic! Woot woot! Meghan and her “friends” the ZOMBIES walk out into the park… and proceed to go on the rides. Like, the decaying kids from 1935, “shriek and howl in wild joy” (or horrific pain from being reanimated?) as they ride the INFERNO ROLLERCOASTER. Now you tell me. This is the most ridiculous scene in Fear Street history, isn’t it? I can’t think of anything that made less sense. What about the OTHER PEOPLE there?! The park was open! There were other patrons! That being said, it was the BEST scene in Fear Street history.
Deirdre ends the book by explaining everything to Gary, who really was an ex-boyfriend who had no clue what was going on. After zombie night though, I doubt he’ll be calling that much. There’s no lingering kiss over top of Robin’s corpse though. So the book’s not that perfect.
It’s pretty perfect though. I mean, really. I loved this mini-series. And having zombies in the last book? Bliss! Now I need to go read the Babysitter 4 or something and remember that not ALL Fear Streets are this awesome. 38 Ferris Wheels spinning REALLY fast out of 39. Which reminds me… what ever happens to Jason Bradley?