Sunday, July 13, 2008

The Third Horror or "The Ghost of Little Red Riding Hood"

The last book in this trilogy “99 Fear Street: The House of Evil” is … well, it’s better than the second one. So that’s something right? Unfortunately there are no more random zombies which really was the saving grace of The Second Horror. However, the cover depicts the Ghost of Little Red Riding Hood! Awesome! Let’s read the book and find out how that fits in!

Oh, it’s just a tricky lie by the cover artist. Little Red Riding Hood does NOT appear once in this book! Talk about disappointment. Once again the dark, spooky, mysterious house where light never seems to shine is lit up like a ritzy mansion at Christmastime. Frankly, it looks nicer than my house, and so far I know two people and a dog have died there. It’s hard to tell from the picture I posted but the creepy window you can see in the Little Red Riding Hood’s stomach? Yeah it doesn’t belong to the house. She just has a floating window in her mid-section. WTF cover-artist? Hmm I just looked him up (Bill Schmidt) and he appears to be a landscape artist that paints delightful (read: bland) seaside towns. Well… I guess anything is better than painting ridiculous ghost scenes, right Bill?

Anyhoodle, on to the final book, “The Third Horror”. You all remember Cally and Kody Frasier from the first book? Cally died (her ghost is evil) and Kody escaped unharmed? Well Kody is back to rub it in Cally’s face, and she brought a film production crew with her! It’s two years in the future and Kody is playing Cally in the film version of their experiences at 99 Fear Street. Two years eh? That seems … soon. Like psychotically soon for Kody to relieve all the traumatizing events that killed both her siblings, her dog and blinded her father. I guess Kody just didn’t care that much! We meet the other important characters: Persia, the spoiled (read: bitch) actress who plays Kody in the movie; Rob, the dreamy lead male character who plays missing-fingers-Anthony, and their director Bo. Bo basically admits to casting Kody for publicity and because they couldn’t afford a real actress. Hah! Everyone still hates Kody.

Of course crazy stuff starts happening again, and the reader gets insight into what Cally is thinking. It’s a lot of “Muhahah, REVENGE!” Cally is a pretty dull ghost if you ask me. ESPECIALLY since the first accident is a guy getting his hand mangled in the garburator! Didn’t we already see this? Two books ago!? For shame R.L.! Were there really no other tricks up your sleeve? There’s also a lot of stuff about the creepy rats in the basement just like the other two books. Even though in every book, they’ve hired the same man (Mr. Hankers) to get rid of them. Methinks this may be important…

There’s also a lot of Kody wandering around the house calling for her dead sister. That’s not creepy at all Kody! But this makes her look suspicious since accidents keep happening around the set. Like a camera slides down a pole and get impaled on a stunt double’s FACE. BLECH!! Well, at least that’s a new accident. Inventive!

Here’s a scene that I personally love. Kody opens up the fridge and sees … the head of her dead sister Cally! She freaks out (natural reaction, I’d say) and then she finds out the head is a fake that was ‘cooling’ in the fridge. But everyone treats her like a weirdo for being startled! Like:

“What is her problem?” Kody heard someone whisper near the door.
“Did she think it was a real head?” someone else asked in a hushed voice.

Well, excuuuuuse her! Even if she full on knew it was a fake from the start, can you really blame her for being upset?! It’s a disembodied HEAD of her DEAD sister! I think this scene was supposed to display how jumpy Kody is, but it comes off showing how everyone else involved in this movie is a terrible, terrible person!

There’s more “creepy” scenes that I can’t really be bothered with. They end with Kody discovering Bo in the basement with cases of dynamite! But he’s just using them to blow up the house at the end of the film without telling anyone before hand. …Okaaaay, I can think of a few things wrong with that plan, but whatevs, he’s the big Hollywood player right? He MUST know what’s best. Well, that’s what Kody thinks anyways.

Next chapter. Kody and Rob are supposed to be shooting a scene in the attic with a green goo machine. Everyone leaves so they can “practice” (Read: make out) when the green goo machine turns on! And the goo is burning hot! And smells like vomit! And tries to suck them under! And doesn’t stop! And feels like oatmeal! And the attic door is locked so there is no escape! And then it’s high enough to have waves in it! Actually that sounds pretty awful. Killer vomit?

Best part by far: Rob says “Ohhh, the putrid smell!” HAH! I don’t think R.L. has EVER spent time with any teenagers (or HUMANS) if this is what he thinks people would exclaim in a boiling green vomit situation. Kody ends up busting out an attic window to freedom when she looks behind her and sees that Rob is now floating facedown in the vomit. Ick. Also, probably pretty embarrassing for Rob that his newest GF had to rescue him from the killer vomit. No iron-stomach for Rob I see!

Well the film must go on! I guess. Seems like a pretty poor idea to me though. So evil Ghost of Cally lures Kody into the basement on the pretense of awesome Ghost/Corporeal Sister Reunion! However, Cally is still evil and instead takes Kody’s body. But Kody still has her body? I don’t know, there’s a doppelganger involved somehow… Anyhoo, while Cally is pretending to be Kody, she awesomely stabs Persia in the hand! And I know this was supposed to be evil and scary… it was way more funny and great! Persia is a bitch = gets what she deserves, right? Right! Cally as Kody also slams Bo in the face (kinda deserved for being such a douche nozzle) and then burns his face with the lightbulb. Hmmm that went too far.

Okay so the ending kinda comes out of nowhere. Remember the guy that was hired to kill the rats? Mr. Hankers? Well it turns out he, the housekeeper, and the real estate agent (who we knew from book one was a ghost) are actually evil rats that control the evil in the house. Um, yeah. Evil rats. They change into rats in front of Kody, but they never say if they shrink or not. So are they huge scary rats? Or regularly sized evil rats? Who knows! More importantly: does anyone care anymore? Nope! This book took a terrible turn! Kody convinces Cally that she’s being evilly controlled by these rat people (and forces her GHOST sister to peek through a crack in a wall…doesn’t that seem wrong?) so of course Cally immediately becomes un-evil. She lets Kody escape then somehow (?) someone detonates all the dynamite that’s hidden in the basement. Surprise.

The book ends with Kody and Rob snuggling on a couch discussing their ‘acting’ careers.

“I auditioned for a commercial this afternoon” he told her.
“That’s great!” Kody replied enthusiastically.
“It’s for another dog food. But this time I don’t have to bark” he told her.

So the whole book they make Rob sound like a huge movie star… when he really scrapes by with dog food commercials? Lack of continuity R.L.! Anyways they get a videotape delivered to them, and it’s a video of the house exploding. Kody thinks she sees Cally’s spirit in the flames going to heaven. Then Rob turns into a DOG! Well no, but that totally could have happened considering all the fucked up stuff that went on in these three books.

I’d say this book was the second best. First place obviously goes to The First Horror, because it was actually scary. Second place to The Third Horror because it had some good gory scenes, and there was an unexplained doppelganger (cool). And of course LAST place goes to The Second Horror, because ZOMBIES aside… it was so lame. And did not fit into the trilogy. But that’s how trilogies always work right? First = best, Second = worst! Well I give The Third Horror 6 fake disembodied heads of your sister out of 10. Because why not?

A.M. Stine


Grocery Crush said...

The fact that you actually looked up the cover-artist shows true dedication to this blog. Perhaps next time you go to the trouble of extending your research like this, you could link your findings?

I am amazed as always by the quality of your work.

Grocery Crush said...

another satisfying read...thank you.

Anonymous said...

Drowning in vomit? I cant think of a nastier way to go. Oh wait. I can. Drowning in someone else's urine.