Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Broken Hearts, or "When Teenage Poetry Kills"

Cover analysis: Very exciting cover art for this one. For one, it actually represents a scene that happened in the book accurately. Tagline: Valentine’s Day can be murder! It’s missing a little pizzazz, I would have appreciated some poetry. Not that I had to wait long! Best part about the cover. Melissa has pictures of what I am assuming are actors and rock stars and such in her locker. One guy is wearing studded leather, while another is rocking out in a yellow jumpsuit with flames on it. Awesome! This cover gets a 10 out of 10 for the jumpsuit.

This was sooooo boring – everyone was super whiny, to the point that my only thought was: go, serial killer!

Josie and Rachel are twins, but look entirely different (except of course they’re both gorgeous). Melissa is their good friend (also completely gorgeous) and Erica is their little sister. We know things won’t go well for Erica because she has a ‘plain round face’ and ‘could stand to lose a few pounds.’

They go horseback riding. Erica chickens out and pretends she’s too sick to go. Josie meanly tries to force Erica to ride and mocks her for being scared of horses. Rachel takes Erica’s side and tells her she doesn’t have to go. So we know that Josie is a bitch, Rachel is the nice one, and Erica is a coward and deserves what she gets.

Good thing you didn’t ride, Erica, because no sooner did the girls head out that tragedy strikes! Rachel sneaks out without wearing her helmet because it would have looked silly on her beautiful long flowing red hair (okay, there are dozens of red-heads in Shadyside, and not one single minority … interesting). A dog runs in front of Rachel’s horse, causing it to rear up. Rachel’s saddle falls off the horse and Rachel lands on her head – this was a pretty terrible scene, everyone is screaming. Rachel gets brain damage and is reduced to the capacity of a child.

Flash to February, a few months later, and both Erica and Josie are having a tough time. Josie feels guilty about Rachel’s accident, because she was the one to fasten the saddle on Rachel’s horse. She continues to be an ultimate bitch, and has dated lots of guys then callously dumped them. None of them have apparently gotten over her. Erica is having a shitty year because she has to take care of Rachel all the time, and Josie refuses to ever help out because she feels so guilty. Erica whines a lot about not having a life. Where are these girl’s parents? They treat Erica like an indentured servant, and seem to be off somewhere all the time – like their slutty daughter Josie. Melissa, meanwhile is dating one of Josie’s rejects who does nothing but obsess about Josie. Josie, Josie, Josie!

It’s coming up to V-day, and Josie starts to get threatening Valentines. My personal favorite:

Roses are black
Violets are gray
On Valentine’s Day
You’ll start to decay

Be still my heart! Josie gets mad and starts to blame everyone she’s ever dated, which is a LOT. She thinks it’s a mean joke until someone murders her dog in her house. I love this about Fear Street. Animals and pets are always viciously slaughtered, and everyone gets over it in about 3 minutes. Right after her dog is killed, everyone gets back to telling Josie it’s a mean joke. Only, clearly it isn’t, because her dog was just killed, so way to go, Fear Street crowd.

The suspects keep on coming in this one. Not only is every male she’s ever looked at panting to get revenge, but Melissa is no fan either, and Rachel’s boyfriend, who sadly continues to care for his brain damaged girlfriend, blames Josie for what happened. And Rachel herself is super creepy, because she’s sooooo beautiful and just stares blankly around and says inappropriate things then giggles. Josie seeks refuge in the arms of her new boyfriend, Steve.

Hot Fear Street sex scene: “Steve leaned forward and kissed Josie. She kissed him back. His lips were hot and dry. He smelled like peppermint.” This was clearly written by a 10 year old girl. Who doesn’t want to make out with some hot dry lips – hawt!

Approximately 2 minutes after that mean dog killing joke was played on Josie, things get even worse for her, because she ends up with a skate in the back behind the skating rink. A few days later, the day of the funeral, Erica stays home and is stabbed. One of Josie’s exes is found with letter opener in hand – he confesses that he sent the crazy Valentines, but he didn’t kill Josie or stab Erica. There is no proof that he did either of these things (except, to be found over the body, weapon in hand.)

A note on letter openers: Why are these always used as murder weapons. It seems that if one wants to commit murder, one should get a letter opener. I don’t even know anyone with a letter opener, so if I meet someone, my automatic reaction would be: oh, so you’re a murderer, nice to meet you. Letter opener = smoking gun, obvious guilt.

Flash to one year later, V-day. Melissa is now dating Rachel’s old boyfriend, Luke. Erica still has no life. Rachel is still childlike and creepy. Mel starts to get the same death threat as Josie did and everyone takes these threats very seriously and the police are involved and do everything they can to keep Mel safe, to avoid yet another serial killer in town. Just kidding! This is Fear Street, right? So even though her friend was murdered after receiving the same Valentines, everyone tells Melissa it’s a joke and she shouldn’t show anyone. Serial killer, I’m still with you.

To take her mind off Melissa’s forthcoming murder, Luke takes her to a skating party on Fear Lake, where they are warned about thin ice further up on the lake. Luke and Melissa skate out to thin ice are, were Luke starts to get a little too frisky for her. Mel is having none of it, and Luke skates off in anger. Once she’s completely alone in the dark over thin ice, she sees a figure skating towards her with a knife. A figure with long read hair. It’s … Erica in a red wig! All that having no life really got to Erica. She was whiny on the outside, but killer on the inside. She reveals she stabbed herself with the letter opener.

Erica lunges for Mel, but just as this happens the ice breaks under them and they fall into the water. Luke rescues Mel, but Erica is trapped under the ice. They can see her face pressed up against it. Touching moment: “Erica has been in a prison for a year, staring out at the world … now she’s staring up at us from another prison.” Chills! Oh well, back to the party.
L. K. Stine


Drew said...

"Roses are black
Violets are gray
On Valentine’s Day
You’ll start to decay"

this doesnt make any sense since it takes 2 to 3 days before a body starts to decompose. so this would be a pre-valentine's day threat? wouldn't it.

LAK said...

I think bonus points should be given for the correct use of you're rather then your. I would expect your in RL Stineland for some reason....perhaps because the poetry is so bad and the love scenes are so steamy.

Anonymous said...

I have a letter opener, and before you cry wolf, let me explain that you could no way kill someone with one of those things. They're way too blunt. They only need to be sharp on the edge, anyway! But then again, I'm no expert on stabbin'.

RecallerReminder said...

Aw you omitted the part about Dave coming back to clear his name and how he end up being killed by crazy Erica too.

Anonymous said...

Broken Hearts wad my favorite Super Chiller. But why do the dogs always die in every book?